I’m a person who spends a great deal of time in her head. I dwell on fictional scenarios, thinking and rethinking until whatever it is that is racing through my mind seems inevitable. There is just no other possible outcome and as I wind my mind, my whole mind can shift. This is both good and bad. On one hand it has allowed me to be a really creative thinker at work, and to anticipate solutions to problems and push-back that hasn’t yet arisen, so I can meet challenges with positive a spin and solution in hand. However, my racing thoughts and fictions also have a tendency to control my mood and attitude, fueling insecurities and fears. Meditation has been helping, particularly with the later.
My meditation exploration began just a few months ago, with a four-week Vipassana meditation class at work. I had been trying to do some deep self-work this year anyway, and I figured meditation would be a good way to try and inject a little calmness into my life. I didn’t have huge expectations or anything.
We practiced different meditation techniques, walking, seated, yoga poses, etc. I really enjoyed the walking meditation. But it was Metta Meditation that made a real connection. With all this self-work that I’m doing, what I’ve realized is that I really need to start with some compassion for myself. I need to quiet my mind and allow myself to love myself. To stop denying happiness today in favor of happiness at some point in the future. And to allow my best self to guide my life.
Here is what is guiding my practice at the moment:
Lovingkindness, by Sharon Salzburg
What the Buddha Taught, by Walpola Rahula